Order of the Good Write

That Magic Feeling When the Words Flow. A Blog by Debi Rotmil


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New York-Los Angeles Bicoastal Serenade

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Right now, I’m sitting in the heart of Hollywood, in the middle of one of the most storied studios in Los Angeles, taking a break from a morning deluge of work. The latest edition of the Hollywood Reporter is on my desk – the New York Issue. Just seeing it makes my heart ache.  Louis CK is on the cover, the consummate poster boy of New York entertainment. Receding red hair, bundled in a black coat, the photo shows him crossing a Manhattan street, looking at the camera with a stoic CK smirk – as if he’s saying, “Yup. I’m home. I belong here.”

The entire issue is a portfolio of famous New York talent and creators who’ve chosen to stay in the Big Apple over moving to the drought stricken sunny land of Los Angeles. They’ll endure the constant barrage of horrendous winter weather and frigid cold temps to stay where the rubber meets the road, where the energy of NYC lives in their blood. Even though I left for warmer climes – I don’t blame them.

I was in love with New York City all my adult life. I grew up in what they call a “bedroom community or suburb” of New York City. Westchester County.  When I was a child, New York City was bankrupt, crime was everywhere, and you couldn’t go into town without some scary dude trying to squeegee your windshield while you were held prisoner at a stop light. It was bedraggled, dirty and mean. It scared the hell out of me. But it was thrilling. Especially when I reached high school and was old enought to train it down with my friends Gina and Laura so we could walk Greenwich Village and absorb the funk coolness of it all.

Still, New York City was the heartbeat of my town. You could feel its pull. It was palpable – that living, breathing organism of energy sizzled twenty minutes south. The gritty streets. The cool and scary people. The humming of Time Square. Broadway. Media. Food. Art. Knowledge. Many people feel this. Ricky Gervais has often mentioned that when he comes to New York (he’s made it his second home), he always feels a catch in his throat. It’s visceral. Perhaps the Native Americans who first inhabited the island placed a spiritual blessing on the place, ultimately making it the touchstone for many wayward people. The hearth where distant travelers come to find a new life of peace and freedom. “Give me your tired, your poor”. The place where artists long to create, or the weary find solace in its crumbling buildings.  It’s like a calm in the midst of a global storm. The vortex or force field to where everyone eventually gravitates, until it sucks them in, saps their energy, and spits them out.

Then you fall out of love with New York.

Being inside the energy field of New York City makes one realize that the awesome thrill is good in doses.

When you’re young, you come to New York City to have your New York City days. Not many people stay. They marry or grow up a little and move on to spacious homesteads. Only the very wealthy or well tuned New Yorker stays a lifetime. But when you’re the intrepid NY dweller, you tend to leave.  You’ve had enough of scraping by in a studio apartment – or slumming with roommates.

The high rent. The small apartments. You sacrificed space and civility to have your own spot on the island – where you “stuff” is – where you lay your head. You got into the groove – as you make your way through the masses, getting so good in catching the subway, you time the rumble of a distant train perfectly as you run down the stairs, add money to your Metrocard in time to jump on the train moments before the doors slide shut. But you get to a point when you want your own space when you travel. You’re tired of breathing a stranger’s breath.

I fell out of love with NYC several years ago when I couldn’t stand waiting for the 6 Train anymore. I fell out of love when CBGB’s closed and The Bottom Line shut down. The energy of NYC that once filled me up with positivity – got to me. It was in my face everyday – from the moment I walked out the door. I’d step on the sidewalk to join the parade of pedestrians walking from York to Lexington just to get the train. I was just another ant marching.

I used to leave NYC on weekends and head to my folks house up in Rockland County, and then again in Westchester when they moved back. They both passed away within the same year, and the virtual umbilical cord from NYC to the leafy homestead up north was now severed. No more breathers from the stifling New York existence.  No more home cooked meals and family connection. I was free to the wind, but left with no outlet out of the city.

I needed green patches of peace – where I could swing my arms around and not hit a wall or knock off a book from a shelf. Space.  I wanted space. I wanted sunshine. I wanted…no more winters. I wanted more than just one room to live in.

I fell in love with Los Angeles. The comedy scene, the media, the hullabaloo, the underground world of vintage bohemian beauty hidden away from the glitz of Kardashian type shallowness. There’s a ragged beauty to LA that you really fall in love with.

It’s been almost five years, and my life in Los Angeles has been a remarkable one. I’ve worked for an entertainment database company – then for an Oscar/Emmy nominated production company – temped at a major studio in Culver City – and now at this amazing studio in the heart of Hollywoodland. I have a gorgeous hound who makes my heart sing. I’ve made friends with more neighbors  than I ever did in New York. My mindset has shifted with positive action steps toward productivity and creativity. My life is changing for the better here.

Yet, I dream of NYC. I sense the spiritual changes being sculpted in LA are preparing me for returning to New York a better person. I don’t want to leave LA, but I want to live in New York too. There will soon come a time when I will be fully bi-coastal – where I will live my dream of having the best of both worlds.

So, I sit and read the New York issue of The Hollywood Reporter and I live my NY life vicariously through the talent featured: Diane Sawyer looking out her CBS office at the familiar view.  Gayle King and Robin Roberts with the Manhattan Bridge (or is it the Queensboro? I’m never sure) in the background, and Larry Wilmore striking a Statue of Liberty pose with an ice cream cone as his torch – it’s all bringing me back home. All that good stuff still humming back home. Yes. Home. I’ll always call New York home. In fact, I’m going back next month.

Hopefully one day soon – I’ll be like Louis CK – living back in NYC, bundled against the cold with a smirk on my face that says, “Yup. I’m here in New York City and I belong here.”


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Inspiration Monday

Dame Stephanie Shirley is a pioneer in the world of technology, and the sad thing is – you’ve never heard of her. After viewing last night’s premiere episode of Mad Men, and suffering through the infuriating depiction of how men treated women who lead in the world of advertising (if you saw it, Joan and Peggy were treated with no respect from a trio of knucklheads), you can understand why amazing women like Shirley had to hide behind a man’s name and deal with not even being able to open a bank account without her husband’s permission.

I encourage you to listen to her story. After all, story telling is what makes our mark in this world live on long after we as individuals are gone. It offers food for thought, and fuel to life’s burning fire.


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The Church of Subconscious

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I’m learning about the subconscious lately. The subconscious is the undertow of beliefs that lurk beneath the surface of your mind, running congruent with your conscious. Strangely enough, the sub-c (as I’m calling it) can aid in manifesting the good and bad things that enter your life.

I’m at constant war with my subconscious, but I unknowingly dip into like it’s the bible of my life. Although my conscious wants expansive and successful new outcomes as it strives for positive change – the subconscious still holds a blueprint of negativity potentially attracting the very things I fear.

If I try to live in the present my subconscious immediately wants to worry about the future, and reminds me of the past.

If I try to block negative thoughts floating through my mind, the subconscious will allow them to linger, hold them up as an illustration of what could happen when the very opposite is true.

If I worry about money,  the subconscious is happy to wallow in that concern. Even if there really isn’t anything to be fearing, such as security, business ventures going bad and more dollars in the bank.  Perhaps a good dose of worry and concern is needed in order to avert problems that could arise. After all, you shouldn’t always have your head in the clouds, going blissfully along in life until you realize you weren’t keeping your eyes on your spending habits, or the level of life you can afford. But to practice the belief that fear is the be all of everything – well, the more fear you entertain, the more fearful things will crop up in your life.

Sometimes the subconscious will convince you that you’re not worthy. Your conscious will say, I’m pretty cool – but your subconscious runs on the same DOS format built by your childhood. Yeah – you’re awesome, but you’re not attractive enough to find love or a well paying job. You think you’re the bomb, but your sub-c is still saying that no man will want you.  It convinces you that men are more interested in crazy women, and that’s why you attract men who leave you and take up with a crazy lady. Or maybe you’re the crazy one? (You can see I’m talking to myself here – a known form of insanity.)

It’s like Culture Club once sang, “Love is hard to find in  the church of the Poison Mind”.

As Cathy Collaut, PH.D discusses in her practice, you are the CEO of your life. Your conscious wants to succeed and in ways your subconscious will be happy to sabotage.  She explains how to treat you sub-c as an employee, where you ask it questions, such as  – why it’s creating these underlying feelings?  What is the source of the fear, anger and bitter feelings towards what the conscious is trying to achieve? Once we are aware of wayward thoughts in the undertow of our mind, will we be able to shatter self sabotage and run a successful business called life.

Then we can give our sub-c a pay raise and go on vacation.